Redefining ADHD Diagnosis with Fabienne Vailes: Growth, Not Labels
When you’ve spent years—sometimes decades—navigating life without an ADHD diagnosis, suddenly getting one can feel like both a revelation and a disruption. You might feel relief, clarity, or maybe even frustration about what this diagnosis means and how it fits with everything you’ve learned about yourself. This experience is something we explored with our guest, Fabienne Vailes, in Season 2, Episode 1 of ADHD: Women Exploring the Neuroverse.
In this episode, we dived into the ups and downs of adult ADHD diagnosis and why it’s crucial to understand ADHD not as a “deficit” but as a different way of processing the world. Fabienne shares insights from her own journey, how she’s approached her diagnosis, and what it’s taught her about growth and self-compassion.
The Weight of Words: Why “Disorder” Doesn’t Tell the Whole Story
For many of us, the terminology of “Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder” feels limiting. ADHD is complex, and when we put it into words, we can unintentionally narrow its meaning. Fabienne shared her thoughts on the term “disorder” and how challenging it can be to have the nuances of our experiences simplified this way.
“I think we all need to remember we’re born with innate wisdom,” Fabienne says. “There’s nothing wrong with us, even if we don’t fit into the typical boxes.”
ADHD comes with its own strengths and ways of processing the world. Shifting from thinking of it as a “disorder” to seeing it as part of our unique wiring can be life-changing.
Imagine if, instead of focusing on what’s “wrong” with ADHD brains, we focused on how to help people with ADHD feel safe, respected, and understood in their environments. This is what Fabienne refers to as a “salutogenic approach,” one that’s about supporting well-being rather than labeling people as broken.
Seeking Diagnosis: The Path from “Coping” to Clarity
For Fabienne, the journey to an ADHD diagnosis was spurred by a return to academia and the realization that coping mechanisms she’d relied on weren’t enough to handle the unique demands of this new environment. Like many adult women, she had spent years building skills and tools to manage ADHD symptoms without even knowing it. From training in mindfulness and hypnotherapy to developing creative workarounds, she’s a master at self-support.
“It wasn’t until I was in a PhD program that I realized just how much I was struggling to keep up with traditional learning,” Fabienne explains. “This diagnosis gave me the language to understand why.”
Many ADHD-ers can relate to feeling misunderstood or struggling without a clear explanation for why certain things feel harder. The diagnosis doesn’t define us, but it can open the door to a new understanding and, hopefully, better support.
Breaking Stereotypes and Redefining Self-Identity
Fabienne’s story also shines a light on the importance of redefining how society views ADHD. Traditional diagnostic models often focus on the challenges ADHD brings but leave out the strengths and diversity within the ADHD community. Fabienne encourages others to view ADHD as part of a broader spectrum of neurodiversity and to push back against restrictive stereotypes.
“Our society often tells us there’s only one way to be,” Fabienne says, “but we are all unique ecosystems.”
ADHD doesn’t mean less; it means different, and there’s immense power in understanding and embracing that difference.
Navigating the Emotional Highs and Lows
Another topic that hit home in our discussion was the emotional rollercoaster many of us ride. ADHD can heighten emotions, making our highs higher and our lows more intense. The lows, Fabienne notes, can sometimes come with heavy feelings, even if you have a solid support system and a deep understanding of yourself.
For Fabienne, managing these highs and lows often comes down to staying connected with herself and using mindfulness techniques she’s developed over the years.
“I recognize those darker thoughts now,” she shares. “Instead of getting swept away by them, I’ve learned to observe and accept them.”
This process of managing the emotional intensity of ADHD is not about eliminating emotions but about accepting and working with them. As we grow in self-awareness, we’re better able to ride the waves without getting caught in the undertow.
Flourishing with ADHD: Finding the Flow
One of the standout themes of this episode is the concept of “flourishing” with ADHD, rather than simply managing it. ADHD brains often thrive on novelty, movement, and creativity. Embracing these aspects, rather than forcing ourselves into routines that feel foreign, can be incredibly liberating.
“Once we accept ADHD as part of our unique wiring, we start looking for what truly makes us thrive,” Fabienne says.
This approach allows us to find moments of flow, where we feel connected, inspired, and fully engaged in what we’re doing. For some, this might be taking up a hobby they love or setting up work environments that align with their natural rhythms.
Dive Deeper with the Podcast
By approaching ADHD diagnosis with curiosity, compassion, and a willingness to see beyond labels, we can begin a journey of growth that celebrates every part of who we are.
Ready to dig deeper into the conversation on ADHD diagnosis, self-identity, and flourishing? Join us in this insightful episode as we explore how to redefine ADHD on our own terms and embrace it as a vital part of who we are.
Listen to the full episode, Redefining ADHD Diagnosis with Fabienne Vailes: Growth, Not Labels with Fabienne for more reflections, practical insights, and heartfelt conversation about embracing ADHD beyond the diagnosis.
👉 Join the conversation on Instagram for support and community, or reach out if you’d like to share your ADHD journey! Email Ruth or Rachael directly—we’d love to hear from you!
📚 Do you feel like you're floundering? Ruth helps women move from Functioning to Flourishing. Or focus on Getting Sh*t Done with Rachael.
