The Interplay of Differences: Building Strong Relationships Between ADHD-ers
Navigating relationships can be tricky for anyone, but when both partners (or friends) have ADHD, it comes with its own set of unique challenges—and rewards! We recently dove into this topic on the podcast, where we explored how ADHD affects interpersonal relationships, especially when two ADHD-ers are involved. Whether it's romantic, platonic, or professional, understanding how ADHD impacts these interactions can help build stronger, more compassionate connections.
In this blog, we’ll unpack some of the biggest takeaways from the episode, focusing on how adult women with ADHD, like many of us, can better understand themselves and their relationships.
The ADHD Relationship Dynamic: Chaos and Connection
ADHD brains are wired differently, and when two ADHD-ers come together, it’s like adding some extra spice to the mix. You get moments of intense connection, spontaneous fun, and creativity, but also moments of confusion, misunderstandings, and, yes—frustration. And that’s okay!
“Celebrating our quirks as ADHD-ers can help us bond even more!”
It’s all about embracing those quirks and recognizing that while ADHD can add layers of complexity to relationships, it can also add a richness that neurotypical relationships might not have. By celebrating our differences, we can actually build stronger, more resilient connections.
Understanding Emotional Needs and Communication
A recurring theme in our conversation was how ADHD-ers often struggle to express their emotional needs. Whether it’s due to rejection sensitivity or just the general overwhelm of emotions, we tend to bottle things up until they explode. That’s why communication is key!
“It’s okay to stumble through conversations; what matters is that we keep talking.”
We all know how messy ADHD communication can be—interrupting, losing track of thoughts, or diving into tangents. But what really matters is continuing to express our needs, even if it’s a bit awkward or uncomfortable. Open communication is the foundation of any strong relationship, and this is especially true for ADHD-ers.
Building Compassion in Close Relationships
One of the most beautiful things about ADHD-ers is our deep sense of empathy. Many of us feel emotions intensely, which can make us incredibly compassionate. But at the same time, we might struggle to show that compassion in moments of stress, especially in close relationships.
When both people in a relationship have ADHD, it’s important to practice what we like to call “compassionate communication.” This means actively listening, giving each other grace when one of you gets overwhelmed, and finding ways to support each other when ADHD symptoms flare up.
A key takeaway here is that
“When we learn to express our emotional needs, our relationships can thrive!”
It’s all about creating space for emotional honesty, even when it feels difficult.
Managing Anger as an ADHD Adult
Anger management is a huge part of many ADHD relationships. We often find ourselves reacting emotionally before we’ve had time to process what we’re feeling. And let’s be real—sometimes our anger comes out in ways we regret later. But the good news is that learning to manage anger is possible.
In the podcast, we talked about recognizing when you’re starting to feel frustrated and how to step away before it escalates. It’s about taking those extra few seconds to pause, breathe, and reflect. Developing self-awareness can help prevent emotional outbursts, and when they do happen, it’s essential to practice forgiveness—both for yourself and your partner.
Cultivating Self-Compassion
Compassion for others is important, but so is compassion for ourselves. ADHD brains can be harsh critics, especially when we feel like we’re “failing” at relationships. It’s easy to spiral into negative self-talk when things go wrong, but that doesn’t help anyone—least of all you.
We talked about the importance of self-compassion on the podcast and how it’s crucial for building healthy, happy relationships. When we forgive ourselves for our mistakes and learn to view them with kindness, it creates a ripple effect. It becomes easier to forgive our partners or friends, and we can move forward without lingering resentment.
One of the best strategies for cultivating self-compassion is reframing how you view mistakes. Instead of seeing them as failures, try viewing them as learning opportunities. Ask yourself, “What can I learn from this experience?” And remember that everyone, ADHD or not, stumbles sometimes.
The Power of Imperfect Progress
The key to any relationship—whether it’s with another ADHD-er or not—is recognizing that perfection isn’t the goal. We’re all going to make mistakes, have disagreements, and sometimes struggle to communicate effectively. But the beauty of it is that we can keep growing and learning together.
ADHD relationships may look a little different from the norm, but that doesn’t mean they’re any less meaningful. In fact, the very traits that make ADHD relationships challenging—like our impulsivity, emotional intensity, and curiosity—are also what make them so vibrant and full of life.
Call to Action: Keep the Conversation Going
Want to dive deeper into this topic? We explore so much more in the full episode of our podcast, The Interplay of Differences: Building Strong Relationships Between ADHD-ers. From tips on managing emotional outbursts to celebrating the quirks that make ADHD relationships special, you won’t want to miss it!
Listen to the episode now and start building more compassionate, understanding relationships—whether it’s with your ADHD partner, friend, or yourself. And if you’ve got stories to share, we’d love to hear from you! Join the conversation on Instagram or message Ruth or Rachael with your thoughts.
